August 31

another bus ride

Emptiness bores down deep within me. The bus rumbles on and sights and sounds whiz by, that I remain oblivious to. I stare right through the rain-pelted windows, looking not at the lecher throwing dirty looks from outside, but at the thoughts and memories within my own head. I feel a tap on my shoulder and smirking, my friend asks me “thinking of what or who dreary?”

I smile and shake my head “nothing silly, blank mind! “

She shakes her head and falls back into her seat to continue chatting with the rest. Again my mind reverts to what it was up to. Thinking and missing what was the most precious part of my life…. you.

Anger wells up in my head when I thought how I’d let my mind go astray, let it think about things that were blown out of proportion. A smile curves slyly across my face when I think of beautiful moments that I revisit sometimes even unwillingly. That smile remains upon my face till when my conscience reminds me it all remains no more. The smile fades away with the mist that issues from my lips in the cold.

Suddenly I feel chill in the air, and wrap my shawl tighter around myself. I cannot seem to recollect the warmth that arose in me when I thought of you even on the coldest day of the year. Insecurities captivate me and I feel a little dodgy, and fear to open out to anyone, something I’d never felt before, or till you were around. Again my heart yearns to get forget about the world and live the only world that would surround you and me.

I crave for that warmth, that reassurance that nothing can hurt me when you once held me in your arms. I remember how I forgot about just every single thing that existed in my life then, all the troubles and fears, people and their issues. All that remained was the sensation of your arm holding me, so content were we, nothing else would matter.

Snap, I return to reality; I stand up as my bus stand approaches. Shouldering my bag, I step down, swallowing the sorrow that suddenly rises in my throat and almost becomes an audible lisp. Kala jerks her head and looks around at me.. Did she hear that sob?

“ Idiot hurry up, its gonna start….Hurryyyy!”

As she turns her back to me and hurries ahead, I quickly wipe off one solitary warm droplet that oozes out from my eyes, getting lost with thousands of raindrops that pelt against my face. I look up to see, the clouds cry with me.